Since becoming a parent I’ve become SUPER reflective; I’ve spent a huge amount of time riddled in anxiety about my son’s safety, happiness and future. I’ve already lost sleep worrying about countless scenarios I’ve entirely made up in my head. This has made me think back on my younger years *I’m aware that made me sound ANCIENT*. I thought of all the things I’d tell myself if I could go back and meet ‘me’. I’ve thought of all the things I’ve regretted, the things I wish I’d have done and the things I wish I didn’t do. Maybe younger me would have listened to present me? Although I have a sinking feeling I wouldn’t have.

“Dear Hannah

You don’t have to be a people pleaser

You don’t have to agree to things just because you are worried about saying no. You don’t have to make everyone happy all the time, in fact that’s IMPOSSIBLE. Even if you could miraculously do so how much are you compromising your own happiness? How many times will you sacrifice your own happiness and wellbeing to please others before you learn that being kind to yourself isn’t selfish.

Learn to love your own company

Time spent alone doesn’t have to be lonely; I know you think that being alone means you’re lonely now but years later you’ll realise being alone gives you time to reflect, to relax and spend time on hobbies you enjoy. Having hobbies you enjoy enriches your days; being creative has always made you happy but you’re doing less and less creative pursuits to avoid being alone. You’re spending time with people who don’t matter, don’t care or haven’t got your best interests at heart just to avoid being alone. You and your happiness are worth so much more than that. Don’t fear being alone, it’s when you’ll have the most inspiration and some of your best ideas.

Protect your mental health ferociously- leave toxic situations and people

There are people around you who are damaging you, they are battering your self esteem; you keep them around for one reason or another but letting go of people isn’t cruel. They are feeding off of you, you are building them up whilst they tear you down. You don’t have an obligation to ‘fix’ broken people and you certainly can’t ‘fill other’s cups’ if yours is empty. Walk away, protect yourself and hold your head high, if it doesn’t feel right it likely isn’t. Get out now.

Don’t compromise your authentic self

There’s been times when you’ve acted out of character, you’ve behaved in a way that hasn’t been ‘you’. You’re finding yourself and exploring who you are and what makes you ‘you’. That’s all to be expected, but are you finding or becoming the person you want to be? You question yourself, lash out when questioned by your family but ultimately agree with them (Even though you’d never admit it). You’ve been cautious about staying true to yourself, sharing your passions and interests for fear of ridicule. You’ve felt like a round peg trying to fit into a square hole. Know that people who love and care for you will support and encourage your passions and interests, they’ll build you up and help you to grow. Surrounding yourself with these people won’t compromise your authentic self.

Saving money and budgeting aren’t for bores

Student loans and overdrafts aren’t free money. Boring? Maybe, true? Absolutely. It might seem as though it’s there to spend freely as you wish but the truth is it’s debt. You don’t need to move out. You have freedom living at home and aren’t even expected to pay rent, you have it easy by comparison. You think you’re ready to go it alone and that moving out is the right thing to do. You’re not ready. Stay put, save money and prepare for your future. You’ve got the rest of your life to move out and be independent. Save money for your future, you’ll desperately want to travel, you’ll want to become a home owner and you’ll need money behind you to do that. Save some of your pay from your part time job, you’ll thank later.

Take care of yourself

Your physical health, your mental health and your all round wellbeing needs to be cared for. Care for yourself like you care for others. You don’t realise it now but your physical health will be compromised in your late twenties. It’s no fault of your own but your life is going to change dramatically. You’ve binge drank and smoked. You’ve not worked out as much as you would have liked. You’ve neglected your mental well-being. You, as a whole are important. You need to realise your worth, stop being so cruel to yourself. You would NEVER treat someone else as you treat yourself. Be kind ALWAYS, to yourself and others.

You will achieve great things in the future. Your family are proud of you, you have a beautiful baby boy who has flourished due to yours and your partner’s love and care. You are doing great, you are strong, resilient and fierce. Keep doing you kiddo but be wise, accept help and keep growing.